Today heralds the end of my two week wait. The spot of red on the toilet paper today told me a story I did not want to know. I am not pregnant. Nine cycles and no results. Countless embryos and no result. Countless injections and drugs and no result. Countless waiting around to see if I get pregnant before I think about changing jobs.
The bad news is that I will begin another round of waiting. Waiting to start another cycle all over again. Waiting to see my doctor. Waiting to ovulate. Waiting for more blood tests. It hardly seems fair – 9 attempts and no result. My womb kills embryos. They just don’t want to stick and there is medically no answer that anyone give me as to why. The other especially since a friend of mine announced she was pregnant after only doing 1 stimulated cycle of IVF.
The good news, if one wants to see the positive in this story, is that I can officially go into Christmas period and have a glass of wine. I can enjoy the work Christmas party without worrying about am I or aren’t I pregnant.
I’ve also made a decision though that will probably change the course of my destiny. The decision I made was that if I was not pregnant by the end of this year, then I would reconsider what I was doing from a work life perspective. No more putting my life on hold in the hope that I will get pregnant. Don’t get me wrong – I will still try to get pregnant. I don’t know for how long. I just won’t put my life on hold while I wait for it to happen or not happen. So I have some critical questions to address over the Christmas and New Year period.