Before I begin I want to clarify that these side effects shown below are from my my full blown IVF treatment for natural killer cells. Most people would not get these symptoms or the arduous treatment that I have gone though. The images below are the result of what I believe are withdrawal symptoms from steroid treatment. The thing is that shortly after (well immediately) after stopping steroid treatment, my feet started to swell up.This is a treatment you undergo if you have natural killer cells.
A few week later I went Christmas shopping. I was out for the whole day and noticed as the day wore on that feet were increasingly sore. Latter when I came home I stripped off and discovered that my legs had swollen again and had develop this massive rash. It took ages for the rash to disappear – probably about a month. However I am still left with a slight discoloration on my right leg.
Its been a while since I wrote in my blog. Since that time a few other long term infertility sufferers have gotten pregnant and I am still infertile. Its funny that no matter how strong you think you are going there are always those moments when you talk about your experiences and get upset. After a couple of months break from IVF, albeit with the constant reminder of my failure to get pregnant (my ankles and fingers are still swollen from steroid withdrawals) I thought I was doing fine. I was also contemplating life without a child and wondering what that could mean.
However on Monday evening I went out to dinner with my biological mother (I am adopted) and found myself crying about it all. As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough. Today (Thursday), we visited a friend who had baby number 2 and I found myself getting clucky and playing with the baby. I marveled at this newborns beautiful soft skin and tiny long and slender fingers. Then I started crying – perhaps it was the realization that I might never have a baby. I don’t know. All I know is that grief can come along at any moment and strike you when you least expect it. I had to fake it and go to toilet so that no-one could see me cry. Its not good when you want a baby. I know I should be happy for the people who have a child (and I am) except that it reminds me that I can’t have a child and don’t have one.
In any case I have resolved to have a break from IVF and let my body recover. I have rashes all over my body as well as the swollen ankles and this is all related to my reaction to going off steroid treatment for my natural killer cells. I am sick of my body reacting the way it does and want to give it time to recover. Previously I was rushing against my body clock but now I have a different attitude and just want my body to be ok and I want the horrible symptoms I have left over from IVF to go away. I have also put on weight and I know this isn’t going to help me get pregnant either. So it is rest time for me for a little while at least. I am going to have a post a picture of the rashes on my legs that started to appear right before Christmas. I also need to write about another incident that occurred before I left my job. It literally shocked me that someone could be so thoughtless.