Archives for August 2009

Questions To Ask Your IVF Specialist

August 21, 2009 By Carol Leave a Comment

After seven failed attempts at IVF, there comes a time when you have to ask some pretty hard questions to your Doctor.

I’ve been too frightened too ask – maybe I am not going to like what I might hear. But my visit with the Counsellor today did help in exploring what our options and questions we might ask our Doctor.

The questions are:
– Given our history and 7 failed attempts, what is the likelihood of us conceiving?
– Why do you think we lose so many embryos between day 3 and day 5?
– Do you think it has something to do with my egg quality or my husbands sperm?
– Should we try giving Day 3 embryos a go instead? (or Day 5 if relevant)
– Is there any kind of genetic testing that you think we should do?
– Are there any other tests that you think we should explore?
– Should my husband see an Andrologist?
– Should we have his sperm tested again?
– Are there any other alternatives that we should explore?

I am sure there are some that I have missed but these are the questions that seemed most relevant after repeated IVF failures.

Feel free to post any other questions you might have. We can all learn from other peoples questions.

Day 3 Versus Day 5 Embryos

August 16, 2009 By Carol Leave a Comment

The debate between Day 3 or Day 5 embryos continues. I have always done Day 5 blastocyst transfers. The theory being that scientists can monitor the embryo for longer so that they can assess which ones are most healthy. This allows them to process and screen out those embryos that are unlikely to survive and are the most healthier. Although, it is not that they are screened out – they just don’t survive.

The risk is that you can lose most if not all of them. Certainly this is something we have experienced. From 19 eggs and 15 fertilised, we were left with only 1 Day 5 blastocyst. The implication being that if this failed to implant we would need to go through the whole process again.

We have now had 7 transfers in total (9 blastocysts) and every one of the them has failed to implant. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again. Maybe we are insane. It led me to ask the question of my nurse, should we do day 3 transfers instead. Apart from the fact that she suggested I discuss this with my Doctor, her answer was interesting. She said some women have had no luck with Day 5 blastocysts and have tried Day 3 and got successfully pregnant. Others have had had the same result as Day 5. My guess is that there is no easy answer but I am going to give the Day 3 ones a go. Maybe there are better off in my body than some cultured medium.

Getting Support Doing IVF

August 15, 2009 By Carol Leave a Comment

Yesterday my nurse rang me to tell me the bad news that I already knew. My 5th IVF attempt was unsuccessful. I bombarded her with questions. Should I change Doctors, should I try Day 3 embryos instead of Day 5? Should I do this? Should I do that? In the process of asking questions, I burst into tears.

She was very understanding and asked me if I felt I needed to see a counsellor. I didn’t know. I had mixed feelings about it when she asked. I am a strong person. I think I am coping fine but the last time and this time have hit me harder than the other times. Maybe I do need to see a counsellor. The thing is that I am grieving for someone that hasn’t happened. No one has died. I know this makes it difficult for people to understand. But maybe I am grieving for the loss of hope or my dream of becoming a parent. Each failure brings this growing realisation that maybe my plans for parenthood are never to be. No – I am not giving up on IVF. I will persevere although I don’t know for how long. What I do know is that each failure pushes you in this direction.

With some doubts, I agreed to speak to a counsellor and I expect to hear from them next week. However, the Counsellor rang late Friday afternoon to arrange a time. This is happening too quickly but as it turns out, it is not. All Saturday appointments are booked out and the next available weekday appointment is Friday week in the afternoon. I check my work diary and there is a meeting organised. I decide there and then that I don’t need to be there. I think I should accept the appointment. I think it is also in the interests of my employer that they have happy people working for them so will discuss this with my Manager when I return to work on Monday.

Oh and what were the answers to my questions. Now that’s a long story and I am going to save that one for another day. Stay tuned.

What Not to Say to Someone Undergoing IVF Treatment

August 14, 2009 By Carol 2 Comments

IVF is unpredictable. My Doctor thinks I should be pregnant by now. This makes me feel a whole lot better. Not! The problem with IVF is that the more times you do it, the harder it gets. I am not exactly sure why but I think that statistically the majority of women get pregnant from IVF after 6-7 stimulated cycles. I have now done 5 stimulated cycles and two transfers and I’ve had no luck. This weight of expectation does not help.

The more you go on, the more there is an expectation that your turn is due. But IVF is never that simple. It makes it hard also for friends and family to understand what we are going through. Often people will say, don’t give up. Keep trying. This is probably one of the worse things people can say.

They need to understand that when you get to the point of doing IVF you have already exhausted all other options – there is already a history of failed natural attempts. IVF gets harder the more times you do it. Apart from the money invested with nothing to show, there is also the physical demands on your body and living a life that has become less social and centred around your menstrual cycle and when and what drugs you are going to take. Life to some extent is on hold. You stay in a job with a manager who is critical and treats you badly because you need stability, you need your job to pay for IVF and you want to be eligible for maternity leave in the event you actually get pregnant.

There is also the fact that you are starting to reach a point where you feel you have no control over your body. It feels like your uterus is destined to become a graveyard.

The fact is that there is nothing anyone can say to their friend. Make it clear you are there for them if they need you but don’t push it. All they can be is a friendly ear and a shoulder to cry on. Because as time goes on, that shoulder is most definitely needed.

IVF Failure Confirmed

August 13, 2009 By Carol Leave a Comment

Just as I suspected. I am not pregnant. Another failed IVF cycle. Get me a drink now. A bottle of red or 3 will do nicely thanks.

Whilst my tell-tale breasts gave it all away, my sneaky suspicion was reinforced last night when giving myself a dose of Crinone gel. That suspicion was also confirmed at a visit to ladies room around lunch time today.

It’s hard to believe that one could inspect toilet paper so thoroughly!!! Scouring through the folds to see if a flash of red has started to appear. Creepy I know but something any woman I know who hopes to get pregnant has done.

Another failed round of IVF. The last cycle was much more upsetting. After so many failures the expectation of pregnancy diminishes but the hope somehow gets stronger. Surely my turn will come. IVF is a numbers game – hopefully the more times you throw one in, eventually your odds come up. To add insult to the wound, I also have to sit through yet another blood test tomorrow to tell me what I already know. BFN (Big Fat Negative – for the uninitiated).

Expecting a week of intermittent tears. Interested friends – happy for you to make comments on this blog but please don’t ask any questions or offer any condolences if seeing me in a public venue – it brings up too much emotion. Me thinks I deserve a red.

Perhaps this is an idea for tomorrow’s blog – how friends can handle their fragile friends who are undergoing IVF. Now – where was that red. One glass will do fine given I have not had a drink in ages!!!!