Yesterday my nurse rang me to tell me the bad news that I already knew. My 5th IVF attempt was unsuccessful. I bombarded her with questions. Should I change Doctors, should I try Day 3 embryos instead of Day 5? Should I do this? Should I do that? In the process of asking questions, I burst into tears.

She was very understanding and asked me if I felt I needed to see a counsellor. I didn’t know. I had mixed feelings about it when she asked. I am a strong person. I think I am coping fine but the last time and this time have hit me harder than the other times. Maybe I do need to see a counsellor. The thing is that I am grieving for someone that hasn’t happened. No one has died. I know this makes it difficult for people to understand. But maybe I am grieving for the loss of hope or my dream of becoming a parent. Each failure brings this growing realisation that maybe my plans for parenthood are never to be. No – I am not giving up on IVF. I will persevere although I don’t know for how long. What I do know is that each failure pushes you in this direction.

With some doubts, I agreed to speak to a counsellor and I expect to hear from them next week. However, the Counsellor rang late Friday afternoon to arrange a time. This is happening too quickly but as it turns out, it is not. All Saturday appointments are booked out and the next available weekday appointment is Friday week in the afternoon. I check my work diary and there is a meeting organised. I decide there and then that I don’t need to be there. I think I should accept the appointment. I think it is also in the interests of my employer that they have happy people working for them so will discuss this with my Manager when I return to work on Monday.

Oh and what were the answers to my questions. Now that’s a long story and I am going to save that one for another day. Stay tuned.

Getting Support Doing IVF is a post from: The IVF Club

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IVF is unpredictable. My Doctor thinks I should be pregnant by now. This makes me feel a whole lot better. Not! The problem with IVF is that the more times you do it, the harder it gets. I am not exactly sure why but I think that statistically the majority of women get pregnant from IVF after 6-7 stimulated cycles. I have now done 5 stimulated cycles and two transfers and I’ve had no luck. This weight of expectation does not help.

The more you go on, the more there is an expectation that your turn is due. But IVF is never that simple. It makes it hard also for friends and family to understand what we are going through. Often people will say, don’t give up. Keep trying. This is probably one of the worse things people can say.

They need to understand that when you get to the point of doing IVF you have already exhausted all other options – there is already a history of failed natural attempts. IVF gets harder the more times you do it. Apart from the money invested with nothing to show, there is also the physical demands on your body and living a life that has become less social and centred around your menstrual cycle and when and what drugs you are going to take. Life to some extent is on hold. You stay in a job with a manager who is critical and treats you badly because you need stability, you need your job to pay for IVF and you want to be eligible for maternity leave in the event you actually get pregnant.

There is also the fact that you are starting to reach a point where you feel you have no control over your body. It feels like your uterus is destined to become a graveyard.

The fact is that there is nothing anyone can say to their friend. Make it clear you are there for them if they need you but don’t push it. All they can be is a friendly ear and a shoulder to cry on. Because as time goes on, that shoulder is most definitely needed.

What Not to Say to Someone Undergoing IVF Treatment is a post from: The IVF Club

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One of the difficulties in regularly undertaking IVF whilst working full-time is explaining why you are taking time off on sick leave. You know you are going to be in hospital – you just don’t know when. This simple fact, can create a myriad of problems. Like for example when I was expected to fly to another state to oversee a TV commercial shoot when I might potentially be in a hospital bed having my eggs collected.

As it happened in that example, I told my manager about my dilemma. I think this may have been around IVF cycle #2. Naively, I thought this may make life a little easier. Bad assumption! Since I told her about my plight, she asked me if I was taking sick leave or annual leave. I told her I had intended on taking sick leave.

My manager’s response was most interesting. I was questioned whether I should be taking annual leave or sick leave. The rationale being that she considered the treatment I was having as being “elective.” She then proceeded to tell me about another staff member who had to take annual leave (not IVF) when having elective surgery.

Ignoring the ethics of her disclosure, I contemplated her comment for a while. To say I was speechless would be an understatement. I was totally amazed that she had the gall to ask me this. Especially since I know that she herself wants to have children one day. In any case, it highlights to me that we are all really very ignorant of our ability to get pregnant. We take it for granted that it will just happen. I know I did.

But back to my story on annual leave versus sick leave. It was bad enough being asked this the once. But I was seriously offended when this was thrown up in my face on no less than 3 occasions over the course of six months. In end, I had to tell my Manager that I was offended by her comments. I thought they indicated a complete lack of regard for my situation. I hoped that she would never have to face the situation I was in.

On reflection, I strongly believe that IVF treatment should be considered sick leave and not annual leave for the following reasons:

1. Most people I know don’t choose to be infertile
2. Like any other illness, a person chooses to have treatment or not.
3. The condition may not be life threatening, but it is highly emotional and it is not uncommon for complications to occur as a result (e.g. Ovarian Hypo-stimulation, Depression)
4. A doctor issues a certificate for the procedure (I assume this is not issued when undertaking cosmetic surgery.
5. In Australia, the treatment is partially medicare refundable

In any case, I would love to hear the views of other people navigating their way through IVF and infertility. You all know my views but I am interested to hear other peoples opinions on the matter.

IVF and Managing Work is a post from: The IVF Club

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