After seven failed attempts at IVF, there comes a time when you have to ask some pretty hard questions to your Doctor.

I’ve been too frightened too ask – maybe I am not going to like what I might hear. But my visit with the Counsellor today did help in exploring what our options and questions we might ask our Doctor.

The questions are:
- Given our history and 7 failed attempts, what is the likelihood of us conceiving?
- Why do you think we lose so many embryos between day 3 and day 5?
- Do you think it has something to do with my egg quality or my husbands sperm?
- Should we try giving Day 3 embryos a go instead? (or Day 5 if relevant)
- Is there any kind of genetic testing that you think we should do?
- Are there any other tests that you think we should explore?
- Should my husband see an Andrologist?
- Should we have his sperm tested again?
- Are there any other alternatives that we should explore?

I am sure there are some that I have missed but these are the questions that seemed most relevant after repeated IVF failures.

Feel free to post any other questions you might have. We can all learn from other peoples questions.

Questions To Ask Your IVF Specialist is a post from: The IVF Club

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The debate between Day 3 or Day 5 embryos continues. I have always done Day 5 blastocyst transfers. The theory being that scientists can monitor the embryo for longer so that they can assess which ones are most healthy. This allows them to process and screen out those embryos that are unlikely to survive and are the most healthier. Although, it is not that they are screened out – they just don’t survive.

The risk is that you can lose most if not all of them. Certainly this is something we have experienced. From 19 eggs and 15 fertilised, we were left with only 1 Day 5 blastocyst. The implication being that if this failed to implant we would need to go through the whole process again.

We have now had 7 transfers in total (9 blastocysts) and every one of the them has failed to implant. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again. Maybe we are insane. It led me to ask the question of my nurse, should we do day 3 transfers instead. Apart from the fact that she suggested I discuss this with my Doctor, her answer was interesting. She said some women have had no luck with Day 5 blastocysts and have tried Day 3 and got successfully pregnant. Others have had had the same result as Day 5. My guess is that there is no easy answer but I am going to give the Day 3 ones a go. Maybe there are better off in my body than some cultured medium.

Day 3 Versus Day 5 Embryos is a post from: The IVF Club

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Yesterday my nurse rang me to tell me the bad news that I already knew. My 5th IVF attempt was unsuccessful. I bombarded her with questions. Should I change Doctors, should I try Day 3 embryos instead of Day 5? Should I do this? Should I do that? In the process of asking questions, I burst into tears.

She was very understanding and asked me if I felt I needed to see a counsellor. I didn’t know. I had mixed feelings about it when she asked. I am a strong person. I think I am coping fine but the last time and this time have hit me harder than the other times. Maybe I do need to see a counsellor. The thing is that I am grieving for someone that hasn’t happened. No one has died. I know this makes it difficult for people to understand. But maybe I am grieving for the loss of hope or my dream of becoming a parent. Each failure brings this growing realisation that maybe my plans for parenthood are never to be. No – I am not giving up on IVF. I will persevere although I don’t know for how long. What I do know is that each failure pushes you in this direction.

With some doubts, I agreed to speak to a counsellor and I expect to hear from them next week. However, the Counsellor rang late Friday afternoon to arrange a time. This is happening too quickly but as it turns out, it is not. All Saturday appointments are booked out and the next available weekday appointment is Friday week in the afternoon. I check my work diary and there is a meeting organised. I decide there and then that I don’t need to be there. I think I should accept the appointment. I think it is also in the interests of my employer that they have happy people working for them so will discuss this with my Manager when I return to work on Monday.

Oh and what were the answers to my questions. Now that’s a long story and I am going to save that one for another day. Stay tuned.

Getting Support Doing IVF is a post from: The IVF Club

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After 6 attempts at IVF, I have learnt that again I was not successful in getting pregnant. I was devastated and have had random moments of tears since that discovery.

I never thought that this week would be so hard. I am starting to learn that the the more you go down the IVF path, the harder it actually gets. I have now done 4 IVF stimulated cycles and 2 Frozen Embryo Transfers.

For my part, the disappointment stems from an unbelievable sense of loss. It feels like my dreams of becoming a parent will never materialize. My biological clock is ticking and my body is against me.

The difference with IVF compared to natural attempts at conception is the knowledge that an embryo has been implanted. What I mean is that you know an embryo is there and fertilisation has taken place. With this knowledge comes the hope that this time might be the lucky time. The disappointing thing, is that I now know that it isn’t. I now have a history of two years of infertility and am contemplating doing another stimulated IVF cycle.

I am also surprised to learn new things about myself and depth of my emotions on the topic. I never thought this possible, but I am am surprised to learn that I would be a person who has been:

• Happy but angry that a friend would conceive after 1 IVF stimulated cycle and 1 Frozen Embryo Transfer.
• Reduced to tears when shopping for baby clothes at Target for a friend who recently gave birth because I am wondering if I will ever shop for clothes for my own baby.
• Cynical (funny cause I’ve always been thought of as naive).

These are feelings that I would not normally have. I am even more devastated as we have going for top of the range blastocysts which according to my fertility specialist apparently has a better success rate than Day 3 embryos. I don’t know how true this is – just look at what happened to my friend. What I do think however is that Day 5 embryos have a better chance of lining his pocket. Maybe that is the new “cynical’ side of me coming out.

I hope that by writing this blog, I will then be able to help people understand more about IVF and the pressure that they or someone close to might go through if they go down this path. Whilst most IVF clinics explain about IVF from a technical viewpoint I believe that improvement could be made in helping couples understand the full ramifications of IVF. IVF is not the be all and end all. At best it offers people more hope and the potential to have children but it is by no means guaranteed.

In the meantime, my hats and commendations are for the women who have gone through far more cycles that I and who have had the courage to continue on. My commendations are also for the men who stood with them, all the while knowing how interfering IVF can be with your sex life and emotions.

In future blogs I intend to cover off what it is like going through a stimulated IVF cycle.

Frustrations of IVF is a post from: The IVF Club

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